Am I Enough? Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough & How To Fix It

“When you let go of the need to be good enough for others you realize that you’ve always been enough.”

“Am I enough?” A question that tormented me day and night. Until I understood where it was coming from and why I was feeling that way.

Not feeling good enough is exhausting. Before you know it, you’ll end up distancing yourself from what makes you feel whole and complete even further.

Let’s start by understanding why you keep asking yourself “am I enough?”. Then I’ll give you 5 powerful tips on how to break free from this dreadful feeling, feel good enough, and realize your own value.

“Am I enough?” Why this question keeps tormenting you

A recent study of 2,000 millennials aged between 22 to 38 years old shows that 8 in 10 millennials think that they are not good enough. Millennials feel overwhelmed by social expectations to succeed in their careers and in their relationships.

Whether through parents, teachers, social media influencers, or our own peers, there seems to be constant pressure from the outside world that we need to be in a continuous journey of achieving and succeeding.

And no matter how much you achieve and how successful you are, you still find yourself asking “am I enough?”

This perception of our life journey is unrealistic. Achieving and succeeding are a part of life, but so is failing and making mistakes. (Did you get triggered as you read this line? If so, do yourself a favor and let go of these unrealistic expectations. Trust me, it’s f*ckin liberating.)

The truth is that people tend to like you more when you achieve something. Only your truest friends will support you and stand by your side when you fail.

Unless you make peace with this harsh truth, you’ll create more suffering in your life. You’ll find yourself feeling hurt, rejected, and have feelings of unworthiness.

Someone who knows their value and self-worth is not shaken by the rejection of others. If you find yourself asking “am I good enough?”, dig deeper to understand the root of this question.

Let’s have a look at the 4 main reasons why you might be asking yourself this question.

4 Main reasons why people ask themselves “am I enough?”

According to a study published in the Psychological Bulletin, development of self-esteem is crucial between ages 4 to 15. So childhood experiences play an important role in the perception of our own self-worth. Let’s have a look at 4 main reasons why people ask themselves if they’re good enough.

#1. Conditioned love during childhood

Let’s face it, parents are not perfect. Even those who have good intentions engage in behaviors that end up being more harmful than beneficial to their kids.

For example, let’s say that as a kid, you were brought up in an environment where you got punished for getting low marks at school . And you received love, praise, and affection when you got good results.

This kind of behavior taught you that you need to achieve good results to feel loved, valued, and accepted by others.

#2. Critical parents

If you were brought up in an environment where no matter how well you behaved, and no matter how good your results were, your parents made you feel like you need to be better, there’s a high chance you’ll be asking yourself “am I enough?”.

As you grow older, their critical voice becomes deeply rooted in your subconscious. You develop your own inner-critic that beats you down every time you achieve something.

If you’re unaware of this, you’ll mistaken the inner-critic as your own truth and beliefs. But in reality, it’s the conditioning and experiences in your childhood that shaped this kind of mindset that is limiting you and making you doubt if you’re good enough.

#3. Codependent parents

Codependency is defined as being strongly dependent and reliant on a partner to feel good, worthy, and valued. People with codependency develop people pleasing tendencies and find it difficult to say no to others and set boundaries.

If you were brought up with parents who struggle with codependency, there’s a higher chance that you learn and develop codependent behaviors. Codependents neglect their own needs and emotions and feel good about themselves by trying to fix and help others.

No matter how much they try to feel good enough by helping and fixing others, they still feel like they’re unworthy. Living with codependency leads to feelings of resentment in relationships, rejection, bitterness, and emotional, and mental exhaustion.

Related: How to break codependency | Codependency affirmations | Fear of abandonment in relationships

#4. Abuse & trauma

Experiencing any kind of abuse whether it’s physical, sexual, or emotional, can lead to feelings of unworthiness. No matter what age you have, if you experience abuse or trauma, it’s highly likely that you start asking yourself “am I good enough?”.

The abusers usually try to convince the victims that they deserve to be mistreated that way because they are not good enough. As an ex-victim of narcissistic abuse, this is something I personally struggled with.

Even though I knew that I did not deserve to be mistreated, I still struggled with feelings of unworthiness and was always trying to prove to this person that I was good enough.

Keep in mind that as long as you keep trying to prove to others that you are enough, you won’t ever feel enough.

You are worthy and loveable exactly as you are, you don’t need to earn it. Let’s have a look at how you can embody this statement and live by it.

How to start feeling good enough

The first step to recognize your own value and self-worth is becoming aware of what’s making you feel unworthy in the first place.

You are ENOUGH. You are good enough, and something is distorting your reality if you’re unable to see it. Once you unveil the truth, you’ll realize how you’ve always been enough.

Here are 5 powerful tips that help you stop asking yourself “am I enough?”

#1. Get to know who you really are

You are not your job title. Most people when you ask them who they are, they reply back stating their profession.

Your profession or your job is what you do for work, it’s not what you are.

We play many different roles in society – daughter, son, sister, brother, colleague, wife, husband.

But when you remove those titles and roles, who or what remains?

This question might be intimidating or scary. Most people get uncomfortable and avoid seeking the answer.

In reality, recognizing who you really are is the only way to realize that you are enough. Realizing who you really are is an empowering self-realization that fills you up with joy, love, and gratitude for life.

To get to know who you really are:

• Spend quality time with yourself.
• Don’t be afraid to be alone.
• Learn how to enjoy your own company.
• Sit quietly and reflect on your thoughts.
• Journal your thoughts and emotions.
• Practice mindfulness meditation.

Related: Inner Wisdom

#2. Do things that bring you joy

People who wonder if they’re good enough tend to seek validation from others. This can lead to habits or behaviors that are not really aligned with who you are. You might end up in social groups that are not aligned with your values and interests.

Start doing things for you. Do things that bring joy to yourself instead of trying to fit in or please others. Pay attention to how you feel in different contexts. If you notice that you’re not enjoying certain environments or social groups, it’s okay to take a step back and start something new.

#3. Let go of limiting beliefs

Whether you think you can do something or not directly affects your ability to do it (in every aspect of your life). If you believe that you can’t find a loving partner because you are not good enough, you’ll keep matching up with partners who make you feel that way.

Change this belief and imagine how it would feel to feel enough for yourself. Then imagine how it would feel to be in a relationship that matches this feeling of being good enough. After some time of practicing this, you’ll start attracting people who are able to see your worth and value.

The same concept applies when it comes to your career. If you believe that you are not enough to achieve your dreams, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never manage to get there. This belief will sabotage your journey one way or another.

On the other hand, if you start imagining how good it would feel to achieve your wildest dreams, you’ll be a step closer towards achieving them.

Feeling like you are not enough is a limiting belief in itself. A very powerful limiting belief that holds you back from thriving, and living the abundant and prosperous life that you deserve.

Learn more on how to cultivate an abundance mindset and manifest your dreams through my abundance mindset course.

#4. Be kind to yourself

Most often we don’t realize how mean we can be with ourselves. Our inner-critic can be harsh and whether you’re aware of it or not, it strongly impacts how you feel about yourself.

Being kind to yourself is a powerful practice that helps you free yourself from not feeling good enough.

Become aware of the ongoing internal mental commentary as you go through your day. Notice if it’s mostly positive comments or negative ones. Start filtering your thoughts and choose to focus on the positive ones while ignoring the unpleasant limiting thoughts.

At first it might be a bit challenging or frustrating. But trust me it will get easier by time and you’ll start naturally cultivating kind and positive comments that empower you and help you feel good enough.

Related: How to stop the negative chatter in your head

#5. Find your life purpose

This can be tricky. People who don’t feel like they’re enough might struggle to find their life purpose as they might feel unworthy of their mission.

Getting in touch with your true self and in tune with your intuition enlightens your path towards finding your life purpose and accepting it.

You are beautifully unique and you have a purpose which only you can bring to life in your own unique way. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re goofy, unworthy, incapable, or not good enough.

Remind yourself that that is only your distorted perception of reality, and not the ultimate reality.

When you find and accept your life purpose, you feel like you’re doing something that comes naturally to you. You’re good at it effortlessly. Of course you can improve yourself with practice, but it’s something that feels natural to you, joyful, and fulfilling.

As you live your life purpose, it fills you up with joy and fulfilment, and no matter what happens, you’ll always feel like you’re going in the right direction.

Closing thoughts

Don’t let feelings of unworthiness get in the way of your life purpose. Believing that you’re not enough robs you out of your own happiness, inner peace, and fulfillment. Working with a personal expert to overcome self-doubt helps you free yourself from what’s holding you back from creating a life you love.

FAQ

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