Narcissist Gaslighting: What Is It & How to Fight A Gaslighter

What is narcissist gaslighting?

Narcissist gaslighting by definition is a manipulative technique which involves emotional abuse, twisting facts and manipulative lies. The motive behind narcissistic gaslighting is to cause confusion in their victims by forcing them to question their own thoughts, memories, and the events happening around them.

Most often, victims of narcissistic gaslighting end up questioning their own sanity and find it difficult to differentiate between what is true or not. 

A common narcissistic gaslighter trait is trying to convince their victims that they’re losing their mind. You might ask whether narcissists know they are gaslighting, but intentional or not, narcissist gaslighting is a form of manipulation and abuse that leaves traumatic effects. 

It’s extremely challenging to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist, so cutting out all contact with a gaslighter narcissist is a vital step to start healing.

So what is a gaslighter narcissist, and how do you know if you’re being gaslighted? In this article we will explore narcissist gaslighting examples, phrases, and how to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist.

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Narcissist gaslighting checklist

People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder use gaslighting to manipulate their victims. Common symptoms triggered by gaslighting narcissistic traits include:

• feeling disconnected from the person you used to be
• feeling extremely anxious 
• lacking self-confidence and having low self-esteem
• questioning whether you’re being too sensitive
• feeling like you’re not good enough 
• feeling guilty for everything that goes wrong
• apologizing for things you don’t need to be apologizing for
• feeling that something is wrong but cannot pinpoint what it is
• struggling to make sense out of what’s happening to you
• experiencing cognitive dissonance
• having difficulty to identify what’s real or not 
• finding it difficult to make decisions
• questioning whether your reactions to your partner are appropriate (e.g. wondering if you were too unreasonable or exaggerating)
• justifying your partner’s behavior
• scared to tell your friends or family what’s happening 
• feeling isolated
• always trying to see how you can do better and fix things to make things work
• feeling hopeless, extremely stressed and losing pleasure in things you used to enjoy doing

Understandably, the above narcissist gaslighting checklist has long-lasting negative effects on victims of narcissistic abuse. Learn more how to heal from a narcissistic relationship to help yourself move forward from your traumatic experience and heal your emotional wounds.

Related: Do Narcissists Cry?

Narcissist gaslighting examples

Narcissistic gaslighters are experts at pushing your buttons, they know your vulnerabilities and know exactly what to say and do to trigger you. Gasligher narcissists are masters of manipulation, they have an ability to read people well and use that knowledge against them. 

The horrible and hurtful things narcissists say when gaslighting make you doubt yourself, your judgment, your memory, and question your own sanity.

Read the following narcissist gaslighting phrases to check if you’re being gaslighted and manipulated:

• Saying things and then denying ever saying them.
• Making promises and denying that they ever said anything.
• Never admitting their mistakes and projecting them on you. 
• Blaming you for everything that goes wrong.
• Belittling and degrading comments (in public or privately).
• Refusing to acknowledge your emotions and telling you you’re crazy or that you’re overreacting.
• Getting defensive or aggressive when criticized.
• False image projection of who they are and exaggerations.
• Telling you that people speak to you to take advantage of you because no one really wants to be your friend.
• Makes you believe that your friends and family are talking about you behind your back.
• Demanding that you treat them with respect while saying that you haven’t earned your respect yet.
• Refusing to acknowledge any of your positive qualities and telling you that they’re not real.
• Denying and twisting reality facts. Changing the facts of a story or an event and making you question what actually happened.

Related: Narcissist Memes

Do narcissists know they are gaslighting?

Gaslighting narcissistic sociopaths who emotionally abuse and manipulate other people have a psychological disorder called narcissistic personality disorder. A sociopath lacks empathy for other people, has no regard for others’ rights or feelings, and lacks remorse for wrongdoings. 

The severity of narcissistic personality disorder varies from one person to another. Even though they all portray gaslighting narcissistic traits, they are on a different spectrum.

Some of them consciously engage in narcissistic gaslighting to exploit others, while other gaslighter narcissists do it unconsciously. However, they are both self-absorbed and don’t care about others unless it serves a purpose for them.

Since  gaslighter narcissists lack empathy and have a grandiose sense of self, they feel entitled to special treatment. So they won’t feel guilty for abusing others, and feel that they have the right to exploit and manipulate others for personal gain. 

Common narcissistic traits in people with narcissistic personality disorder include:

• an inflated grandiose sense of self 
• exaggerate their skills and achievements
• unable to receive criticism
• exploit others for personal gain
• feel entitled to special treatment
• erratic behavior and risk taking
• cheating and lying 
• highly critical of others
• projecting own flaws/mistakes on others
• envious and jealous

The effects of gaslighting on victims of narcissistic abuse

Gaslighting narcissistic sociopaths engage in an abusive practice and gaslighting techniques that push their victims to lose trust in themselves and others. This might also lead to their victims thinking or believing that they have a mental illness. 

The long-term effects of gaslighting may include:

• anxiety
• depression
• emotional trauma
• complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)
• low self-esteem
• inability to trust others
• emotional numbness
• fear of establishing new relationships
• physical health issues

If you recognize some of the examples of narcissistic gaslighting mentioned in this article, it’s important that you take steps towards healing and seek help. When you have a relationship or break up with a narcissistic sociopath, it’s different from just a normal breakup. The emotional pain and suffering caused by the abuse can be overwhelming. 

This doesn’t mean that it will stay like this forever. By taking the necessary steps and working on yourself to process and move through these difficult emotions, you will be able to move forward with your life and heal your trauma.

How to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist

Fighting the gaslighting of a narcissist won’t get you anywhere! You can’t win against a sociopath and the harder you try, and the more you push, things will just keep getting worse, and will cause you more psychological damage. The best way to fight is to leave the narcissist.

Deciding to fight the gaslighting of a narcissist might not be the best idea. If you decide to stick with the narcissist instead of letting go and moving forward, it’s a way of escaping reality and hanging on to your abuser.  

Many victims of narcissist gaslighting try to convince themselves that they will play the same mind games and mirror the narcissist gaslighting techniques. Instead of facing reality and accepting it for what it is, they refuse to deal with it, and trick themselves into believing that they can win this game. 

This is usually a result of their fear of abandonment in relationships and attachment style. If you want to be free of this torture and be happy in your life, you have accept the fact that narcissists cannot fulfill your needs and give you an intimate connection in a relationship. 

The initial stage of your relationship might have felt like love and magical, but that was a result of the love bombing by the narcissist to win over your trust. It’s painful to accept the fact that you have been lied to and tricked by a person you dearly loved, but keep in mind that it’s just temporary and things will get better once you let go of the narcissist.

Breaking free from narcissist gaslighting

Just because you have been taken advantage of by a narcissist doesn’t mean that you will stay like this forever. Know that narcissists target empaths, kind and loving people with positive qualities to exploit them and feed on their energy. 

You need to find yourself again and reconnect with your true self. It’s just a matter of time until things get better and you start thriving in your life.

Follow the below steps to start your journey towards healing from narcissist gaslighting:

• go no contact with the narcissist 
• acknowledging your emotions 
• sharing your emotions and experience with someone you trust
• practicing assertivity by communicating your needs and desires
• repeating positive self-affirmations
• connecting with your true self, practice hobbies, find out what you like
• nourish yourself with self-love and care
• treat yourself with respect
• practice meditation and mindfulness to ground yourself
• seek narcissistic abuse recovery counseling to validate your experience, emotions and resolve cognitive dissonance

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