When The Narcissist Dumps The Codependent | What To Expect & What To Do
When The Narcissist Dumps The Codependent | What To Expect & What To Do
Grace Being If you’re codependent and have just been dumped by a narcissistic partner, it’s important to learn what to expect when the narcissist dumps the codependent.
You might be feeling anxious and scared that he or she is not coming back. Your relationship is like an emotional roller-coaster full of drama. Yet you find yourself craving the narcissist and wishing that they come back. You know it doesn’t make sense but you can’t help yourself.
Don’t worry you’re not crazy and you’re not alone. This is a very common effect of narcissistic abuse. In this article, I will explain to you what to expect when the narcissist dumps the codependent. It will prepare you for what’s to come and relieve you from your anxiety and speculative fear.
If you would like to educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder, heal your trauma, and find purpose, joy, and meaning in life, I invite you to join my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. You’ll be provided with tools and techniques that guide you toward freedom, healing, and empowerment. (If you prefer one-to-one sessions, I offer Narcissistic Abuse Counseling personalized sessions according to your needs and specific situation).
3 Stages When The Narcissist Dumps The Codependent:
Stage 1: The breakup
When the narcissist dumps the codependent, it might come out of nowhere which makes everything very confusing!
One day can seem like absolute bliss and you feel like you’re watching a romantic movie. And the next day is followed by heartbreak, painful name-calling and degrading comments.
The narcissist switches from being your soul mate to your worst nightmare, and you don’t recognize the person. They make you feel like you messed up, you were not good enough, and everything that goes wrong is entirely your fault.
In reality, this HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. This is just how the narcissist is programmed to work. They all follow the same patterns no matter who they are with. Everything that goes wrong in their life, they will hold you responsible for it.
Narcissistic people have the emotional capacity of a toddler. If they feel like you’re not providing them with enough narcissistic supply, they will breakup with you. Narcissists are very good at reading people. So if you’re codependent, they know that you will be left craving for their love and attention, and begging them to take you back.
Meanwhile, don’t be surprised if they seek narcissistic supply somewhere else. But they feel good knowing that they can come back to you…..this gives them an ego boost and more power!
Related: What Is A Narcissistic Abuse Cycle? | Self Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
Am I enough?
Stage 2: Silent treatment
After a narcissist dumps a codependent, they will discard you and torment you with the ‘silent treatment’. This is their way of punishing you. They withdraw all forms of communication from you to make you feel like you don’t matter to them.
Knowing that you are suffering and craving for their attention gives them an ego boost and provides them with narcissistic supply. So if you’re bombarding your narcissist with calls and texts, you’re playing exactly by his or her terms.
That’s exactly what they want and this gives them more power. They know that they can do just about anything to you. They know that you won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.
You might be feeling like you’re going crazy and feeling completely helpless. It’s completely natural to feel devastated at this stage. The narcissist moves from periods of love bombing to narcissist gaslighting and discarding, two of the 12 traits of a narcissist. So from making you feel like you are his or her everything, you now find yourself being completely ignored as if they never felt anything for you.
Stage 3: The return
Most of the narcissists return to their victims after leaving them. When they feel like they have tormented you enough, they return back to you as if nothing ever happened. They expect you to be cheerful and happy and do not acknowledge how much they hurt you. If they’re okay now, they expect you to feel okay and provide them with narcissistic supply.
After a narcissist dumps a codependent, they start love bombing them again to make themselves irresistible. So they make false promises and give you nothing but false hope in order to get back with them.
What’s really twisted is that sometimes they can make you feel like they’re doing you a favor by taking you back. They use this technique to make you try harder to please them and attend to their needs while neglecting yours. Additionally, narcissists use this technique to make you think twice the next time you feel like you want to object to something.
So it’s really a game of control and power over you. They want you to submit and destroy all of your boundaries. And even if they were unfaithful to you, they expect you to understand and justify what they did. For example they might say that you pushed them to do it.
Unfortunately, this cycle keeps repeating itself, and a narcissist and codependent couple can stay stuck in this kind of pattern for years. Communication with a narcissist will always be turbulent, so it’s important to learn how to deal with a narcissist properly to protect your emotional well being.
Related: How To Stop Being Codependent With A Narcissist | How To Fix Codependency
How long does it take for the narcissist to come back after dumping a codependent?
There’s no specific time for a narcissist to come back after breaking up with you. It could take a few days, weeks or even months.
When narcissists leave a codependent, they often make them feel like they will never come back. They do this to put you on edge so you will be lost and overwhelmed by fear that you have been abandoned. Being in a state of fear and anxiety makes it harder to think clearly about what’s happening.
The overwhelming fear of abandonment in relationships drives codependents to engage in unhealthy behavioral patterns which are self-destructive. This fear usually comes from insecure attachment styles and makes it even harder for codependents to leave the toxic relationship.
Narcissists tend to come back after leaving a codependent, especially when they sense that their victims are getting back on their feet. They cannot endure the thought of someone moving on and not craving their presence. The fact that they have mistreated you, yet you still want them back makes them feel really good about themselves!
If your ex-narcissist didn’t return back after the silent treatment, rest assured that he or she just did you a big favor. I know that you must be going through a lot of pain right now, but trust me, you are far better off without a toxic abuser in your life!
By doing inner work and healing, you strengthen yourself, heal your emotional wounds and make space for someone who can give you a respectful and loving relationship.
Related: How To Overcome Fear Of Abandonment |How To Break Codependency
Why do narcissists come back after leaving a codependent?
Narcissists have a tendency of coming back after breaking up with you. Especially when they sense that you might be moving forward with your life.
Their fragile ego struggles to accept the fact that someone doesn’t want them anymore. Moreover, if they sense that they can still feed on your energy, they will do everything in their power to lure you back in.
Unfortunately, due to their forgiving and empathic nature, codependents tend to fall for their manipulative tricks. What they fail to realize is that narcissists don’t want them back because they love them. But because they need them to provide them with narcissistic supply.
Most codependents develop trauma bonding with narcissists. This makes it even easier for the codependent to take the narcissist back after a breakup. Narcissists are good strategists. They know that by making their partners emotionally dependent on them, they can mistreat them and come back whenever they please after breakups.
Related: 7 Stages Of Trauma Bonding | Trauma Bonding Signs | How To Get Over A Trauma Bond
What to do when the narcissist dumps the codependent?
You might be trying to find out ways how to fix the relationship and make things better. It’s exhausting putting this kind of pressure on yourself. And in reality, there’s nothing you can do to fix the relationship.
Narcissistic people are also codependent. They depend on others to boost up their self-esteem. Even though they seem to have a grandiose sense of self, they belittle others to feel superior and require constant admiration.
If you’re tempted to text your ex or beg him to get back with you, ask yourself if this is really in your best interest. Reflect on why you actually want such a toxic person into your life. And ask yourself what does this kind of behavior say about your self-esteem and life choices.
When a narcissist dumps you, the best thing to do is to cut off ALL CONTACT. Distance yourself and do not try to reason things out with them or get some kind of closure. You will only be wasting your time.
If you’re ready to give yourself the space and time needed to heal, I’m here to offer guidance and support. By surrounding yourself with positive influences and addressing your emotional wounds, you can embark on a transformative journey of self-love, care, and compassion.
By doing so, you open the door to authentic love from someone who appreciates and cherishes the real you.
My Related Services:
–Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program: Join a structured program that provides tools, resources, and guidance to help you navigate and heal from the impact of narcissistic abuse.
–Email Advice: Get guidance, insights, and support directly to your inbox.
-One to One Narcissistic Abuse Counseling: Dive deep into your situation with personalized counseling sessions.
FAQs
When narcissists feel like you are no longer useful, they get rid of you and discard you. If they found someone else who provides them with narcissistic supply, they easily ignore you and leave you heartbroken. Keep in mind that just because they don’t see the value in you, doesn’t mean it’s true.
The automatic response of a codependent is to try and get the narcissist back. They try to fix the relationship against all odds. In reality the narcissist is doing you a favor. So the best thing to do is to go NO CONTACT and work in healing yourself to break free from toxic relationships.
When a narcissist dumps a codependent they go through 3 stages. 1) The breakup stage. 2) Silent treatment. 3) The return. Narcissists and codependents repeatedly go through this cycle as codependents tend to welcome their abusers back into their life after the breakup.
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