Fear of Abandonment – What Is Fear of Abandonment? Signs & Symptoms

If you are the type of person that feels anxious in a relationship and have difficulty establishing intimate relationships, you probably struggle with fear of abandonment. 

What is fear of abandonment exactly? And where does it come from?

Fear of abandonment is an overwhelming worry that people close to you will leave you and abandon you. Many people suffer from an intense fear of abandonment without realizing it, manifesting itself through anxious behaviors and communication styles. This deep-seated phobia can be incredibly overwhelming and debilitating if left unchecked.

People who fear abandonment often struggle to form meaningful relationships due to their paralyzing dread of being left behind.

This can lead them down a path where they sabotage the very connections that could bring security and joy, as well as result in unhealthy communication styles like clinginess.

Fear of Abandonment – Where does it come from?

Anyone can develop fear of abandonment and most often it is deeply rooted in a traumatic or distressing experience during childhood. This could start as separation anxiety when a child is separated from the parents or caregivers, for example when they start going to school.

Such a distressing experience can affect the childs’ psychology as the child fears that the separation is permanent. As a result, the child experiences anxiety and great distress which could have long-term effects.

Fear of abandonment is also greatly affected by the way our parents or caregivers attend to our emotional and physical needs during infancy. Different parenting styles affect our attachment styles, and these attachment styles define how we communicate our needs later on in romantic relationships.

Abandonment issues in adults manifest in three insecure attachment styles; anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant. If you develop fear of abandonment as a result of a distressing or toxic romantic relationship, it can negatively affect the ability to trust other people.

People who struggle with fear of abandonment usually have codependency issues and most often they end up in narcissistic relationships. Having a relationship with a narcissistic partner breaks your self-esteem and ability to trust others due to being manipulated and gaslighted.

Healing from narcissistic relationships usually takes a lot of time, patience and requires professional support to heal the emotional trauma. Learn more about how to heal from a narcissistic relationship in this article.

Fear of Abandonment Symptoms

People who struggle with fear of abandonment may experience symptoms such as difficulty trusting others, fear of rejection, difficulty forming relationships, feeling insecure in relationships, clinginess towards partners, low self-esteem and depression.

If you’re worried this might be affecting your life or the lives around you, here are some fear of abandonment signs to look out for:

• Difficulty trusting in others
• Hypersensitive to criticism
• Controlling issues 
• Low self-esteem
• Codependency issues
• People pleasing tendencies
• Participate in unwanted sex
• Pattern of unhealthy toxic relationships
• Difficulty building intimate relationships
• Difficulty to commit to a relationship
• Taking the blame when things go wrong
• Staying in unhealthy narcissistic relationships
• Being clingy and anxious in relationships
• Difficulty to express your needs and emotions
• Feeling insecure and unworthy of love
• Struggle with jealousy in relationships
• Overwhelming feelings of separation anxiety
• Overthink things and try to find hidden meaning
• Doing just about anything to avoid rejection or separation
• Getting attached to emotionally unavailable people too quickly,
• Getting attached too quickly and moving on fast by repressing emotions

To avoid entering toxic and narcissistic relationships which will worsen your fear of abandonment, learn more about the 5 red flags to look out for in a relationship.

Fear of Abandonment and Rejection – How to Overcome

Fear of abandonment is more common than you would imagine. Struggling with this fear is very painful but it can be addressed and healed. Take a look at the below steps which you can take to break free from it: 

• Self-awareness – the first step to overcome fear of abandonment is becoming aware and conscious of this issue.
• Self-compassion – practicing self-compassion can help you get through those times when the anxiety is triggered. 
• Inner-child healing – Tracing these feelings to their roots in your past can help you separate these experiences from the present.
• Practicing self-love & self-care – loving and accepting yourself unconditionally will raise your self-esteem and help you deal with the lack of unworthiness. Learn more about what it means to really love yourself.
• Mindfulness & meditation – practicing mindfulness and meditation will help you manage overwhelming feelings and negative thoughts which cause anxiety.

Just because you struggle with fear of abandonment doesn’t mean that you cannot change yourself and create new relationships in which you feel safe, cared for and loved. Building secure and loving relationships, while avoiding toxic relationships will help you heal your emotional wounds and cultivate the ability to trust others.

Working on maintaining authentic friendships will help you boost your self-worth and sense of belonging. However, the most important relationship to work on is the relationship with yourself.

If you don’t allow yourself to be authentic due to the fear of abandonment and rejection, you will definitely struggle with a sense of belonging. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself, remind yourself of all your positive qualities, and nourish yourself with love and care. These life skills and habits will help you improve your quality of life, the relationship with yourself and others.

Final Thoughts

Fear of abandonment can be daunting and paralyzing. It takes courage to enact the changes that need to be made in order to chip away at that fear and face the things we have been running from. But in doing so, you come out courageous and triumphant over them.

When we stand strong and take ownership of our place in this world and unlearn the notion that our worth is only valuable if someone else believes or attests to it, our fear of abandonment is melted away.

We realize true security lies within ourselves and only then can true freedom exist. True freedom found in healing old wounds, developing new behaviors and respecting our own boundaries will ultimately help us break free from all those feelings of insecurity.

If you are struggling and looking for ways to break free, it’s time for you to make the decision to reclaim your power – to choose yourself first.

You have the capability within you to find wholeness, freedom and inner peace. Believe in yourself and take inspired action now. Our thoughts manifest into our reality; it’s all within your reach if you are willing to do the work.

The universe conspires with us when we decide that enough is enough and move forward in spite of anxieties or worries.

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